Can I ask adult mature minded people something?

yes, i think everyone gets talked about behind their backs at some point, nobody's perfect are they? but it seems to me like your pretty depressed and don't feel good about yourself at all, this needs to change for others AND yourself, i mean surely you want to be happy? you need to get your life back on track instead of wallowing in self pity because that isn't going to change anything, you say your life hasn't turned out how it was meant to, well then turn it around now. you say that you want a chance to tell people why you act like this but you also say that you keep yourself to yourself, if you want to tell someone how your feeling then you've got to start letting people in. its never too late and if you don't do something then your going to stay unhappy forever. life doesn't just roll out for you you have to make your own luck.